My niece Zoe – Aunt Dee, do you have a husband?
ME – No, not everyone has a husband. And not everyone wants a husband.
Zoe – Aunt Dee, that’s just weird. Every girl is supposed to have a husband.
Happy Birthday to ME!! Today I am celebrating 35 years of life! Every year around my birthday I find my self-reflecting about where I am in my life right now, where I think I should be, and what I’m doing to get there. One of the most difficult personal challenges for the past few birthdays has been love and marriage. The scripture But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust. 1 Corinthians 7:9 (NLT) was drilled into my head as a boy crazy developing preteen. I can still hear the mothers of in the church I grew up in telling me that I would burn in hell if I didn’t find husband and become a submissive wife. But I longed to be different! I wanted independence! I wanted education! I wasn’t okay with marrying someone from my hometown, buying an acre of land for a mobile home, and having a couple of kids.
At the first opportunity of freedom I ran to a college 3 hours away and from my highschool boyfriend (who my family was convinced would be my husband). By 26 years old, I had completed both a bachelor’s degree and a master’s degree and was happy with my professional career. But I was still unmarried. I was in a committed relationship and everyone around us kept asking, when are you all getting married until the point that I started asking too. But deep down inside, I was never really sure that marriage was something that I wanted. I enjoyed the comfort of being in love and being loved but the longing desire to be a submissive Proverbs 31 wife just wasn’t at the top of my priority list.
When that relationship ended, I was devastated! By then I was in my early 30’s, had attended numerous weddings, had been in a few, and was beginning to think that marriage was this elusive unknown that I would never experience. The truth is, I was never ready for marriage before because I didn’t know me! The single life forces you to love and appreciate everything about who you are and who you are to the people in your life. What I know for sure is that I am a great mom, great sister, great friend, great soror, and great mentor! I love GOD and spending time with Him has become more valuable than anything! And NO, Jesus is not my boyfriend! He’s my Lord and Savior! I’m not gonna lie and say the single life is always great. The single life can be lonely and after 8+ years of sharing my home, heart, and bed with someone else it’s not easy to always find comfort in the lonliness.
Today, I will blow out 35 candles with my son and close friends. Maybe one day I will celebrate the years with a husband. And if I never do it’s okay. Today, I’m reminding myself that I am exactly where I’m supposed to be! Doing exactly what I’m supposed to be doing! Enjoying this ME time!